This one is probably well-known to most therapy clients. Dare to talk with your therapist about it! In many westernised cultures, we get very anxious about feelings of dependency.
But humans as a species evolved to be inter-dependent, not independent. Our brains are hard-wired to need connection. We grow through connections with significant others. You may still want to check in with him or her very occasionally, but the feeling of that will be quite different.
Well, yes, therapy can be expensive. Think about that. What coping mechanism do you currently tend to use to manage your difficult feelings? Through therapy you can discover new inner strengths so you gradually stop needing these other money-sucking and happiness-sucking strategies. Consider the potential costs of divorce because you take your unhappiness, anger or anxiety out on your partner , job loss because your mental health deteriorates , or future help for your children because your difficulties escalate and affect them?
Thinking about it this way, can you afford not to have therapy? You have three options at least. One, you speak with your therapist and negotiate a lower fee, or less frequent sessions. Two, you find a charity or other service that offers low-cost or free therapy. Three, you take a break from therapy. If you choose option three, make sure you still work really hard on what you can.
I think self-help methods related to mindful self-compassion can get you a long way. Christopher Germer, Professor Mark Williams or Dr Kristin Neff are some names to look out for, and you can find free resources from them online, such as audio meditations and Youtube videos.
On the other hand, if you have a pattern in your life of abandoning projects or people when things got a bit sticky or close, then it may be really important for you to work through this one and stay with your therapist. I know for myself, that there were many times over the first year or so, when I seriously considered that my therapist was not a good fit for me.
Not every therapist will be a good fit for you. I hope that this article has been helpful and given you some useful things to think about as you wrestle with your decision. You will not be wasting time. Talking about these things in therapy is a healing and constructive act in itself. Good luck! And do you have any tips for others in this situation? Schaeffer, PH. I think this is a really helpful article Emma, and one not talked much about!
I think no. And the answer is probably… to echo your phrase… talk to your therapist about it! Anyway, thanks for your article! Thanks for your thoughts, Marie. Thank you for this thoughtful discussion. If the therapy relation has all the appropriate professional boundaries firmly in place, is it possible for the client to become unhealthily dependent on the therapist?
I feel like an idiot merely trying to articulate this. Thank you for giving such a thoughtful and heartfelt response. I think I would still say, keep talking with your therapist about these things. The talking about it, and dialoging, and processing the complicated and powerful feelings around endings and attachment: that is the work! You are not an idiot. You are someone who is working to heal attachment wounding probably and that is perhaps what this stage of your therapy is about.
And yes, it can take a long time, for some of us; and if we can afford the time, energy and money that the process takes, why should we not allow the process to take the time it needs? And yet, eventually I did reach that point, and I recognized what I had read about in that book.
Do you have meaningful relationships outside therapy? If you're turning up to sessions with stories of success about therapeutic techniques applied to your life and no new difficulties, or feel like you have to invent things to discuss, it's a signal that your therapy has done its job.
Or, is my therapist still helping me actively work through my problems? If you do decide that you're therapeutically ready to graduate from therapy, going through the transition period of ending therapy may be hard. Because, experts say, once you leave therapy, that doesn't mean you can't come back. Your official excuse to add "OOD" ahem, out of doors to your cal. Become an Insider.
Enter Email Address. Facebook Pinterest Twitter Youtube Instagram. Depending on the type of therapy a person pursues from standard "talk" therapy to something more focused like EMDR , it can help them get more comfortable talking about uncomfortable things and teach them how to cope with difficult situations. But for many patients, there eventually comes an endpoint to their therapeutic journey.
Related Stories. They go in so many different directions, covering everything and everyone from your work, to your relationships, to your upbringing. While this can be useful for discovering past traumas, it's not so efficient if you've gone in for one specific problem. That's why you have to specialize on one thing. If you're seeking therapy to get a wider insight into your own thoughts, then a general approach is a good one.
But if you're struggling after a trauma, or you can't get your head around why you're always unlucky in love, a more specialized therapy program is probably a better option. Many people in therapy have weekly slots, with a session of about an hour or less. The problem with this, Chong said, is that the problem can be drawn out. It's not very flexible. Read more : Smart, successful women may be more likely to get 'addicted' to toxic men than others.
She said when the hour is up, therapists leave their clients to their own devices, which can be irresponsible. The client may think: "What am I supposed to do all week with all these thoughts? In a way, the hour in the therapist's office is like putting a band-aid over a wound. But that wound is still festering underneath.
But there is deeply rooted trauma lying underneath the band-aid.
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